When I was 17 I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder Type Two. Type two is inattentive, it means I lose interest quickly and can’t stay focused for very long. It’s common for a child to be diagnosed with A.D.D. because of them acting out in class, typically from boredom. My brother and I started homeschooling in the fifth grade so the obvious signs didn’t come up because at home it was our own pace.
My dad left when I was fifteen, in addition to the typical stresses of a teenage girl, my general mentality, my frustrations, fears were all chalked up to teenage angst. There weren’t any real reasons to think other wise. My brother has A.D.H.D. and I didn’t act anything like him, I could focus on getting a project done, I wasn’t hyperactive, I didn’t seem to have “crashes” (A.D.D. people have highs and lows, typically a high exists when great things are happening, a great mood, then something happens that wasn’t expected or wanted, something to throw things off, and that high ends, sending you into an A.D.D. low, for my brother being hyperactive these seemed far more common and somewhat more noticeable than my own). Until one day I saw a commercial, a woman walks into a room, from floor to ceiling there were tv screens, all of them on a different channel, the commercial showed her looking around at them all unable to pick one. It was for Adult Attention Deficit Disorder.
My jaw dropped open, I excitedly started pointing at it, telling my mom, that’s it, that is exactly what it is like inside my brain, everyday, non stop, its like a million tvs all on something different and none of them will shut off.
Until that moment I just thought I was a weirdo. (and I still am a weirdo but at least its one that makes sense haha) Later blog postings will talk about over diagnosis and the belief A.D.D. doesn’t really exist, I’ll glaze over that for right now.
I talked with both my parents and set up a meeting with a psychologist. At which time I filled out several different types of tests, and my mom did too answering questions in regards to my behavior. I still wasn’t one hundred percent certain that is what I had. I’d grown up with Scott having ADHD and I was so different, so surely I didn’t have the same thing.
When the doctor have me a copy of information about Type 2 A.D.D. I cried, literally bawled, because all the descriptions of it were the exact way I acted, things I thought, how I felt, it was all there in black ink. I wasn’t alone, I wasn’t a weirdo. There were ways to cope with how my brain worked.
It’s such a hard to describe feeling, I felt hope, relief, safety even. Understanding yourself is something I believe EVERYONE should have. (which leads into the whether to diagnose or not, but like I said, that is for later posts, this post is just to explain my start into the world of studying the young human mind).